Welcome to our first ever talent show for gross internet porn.  Admission is free, but seriously.  Just turn back now.  This is your chance....  Still interested?  Well, this episode has such notable quotes as "My cereal bowl just hiccuped", "It's above the navel piercing" and "She's digging down there for the crumbs at the bottom".  All right then, take a seat.  If you want to sit in the front row there is some plastic ponchos for all the splash-back.  Hmmm?  Yes, but of course.  The Classtard is complimentary. 
 

 

 

This week the Bastards bring you well informed bit of political chat, followed by rambling tales of bigfoot horse rape.  Terlet reads a boring article about advanced civilizations and Hamtackle caps off the show with the triumphant return of Hamtackle's Horrible Things!  Rabies!! 

 

 

In a very special episode, the Bastards judge a variety of YouTube rappers in their first annual YouTube Rapper Talent Tournament!!  These rappers whip it out and stun us with thrills, chills, spills, drills and the skills to possibly pay a variety of bills.  Strap in tight and grease up them Hammer pants, it's tournament time!!

 

 

The Bastards are back and drinking whiskey out of pickles.  A listener talks Chapsworth off with a sexy, homoerotic phone call.  Hamtackle enlightens all with tales of self mutilation, there is bunches and bunches of Broncos talk and Ramtang shares a rage filled driving experience with a recorded rant.  The episode is wrapped up with lottery tickets, a new MO story and Ace Connard makes another appearance with a new edition of Bastard Answers.  Classtard, taste it!

 

 

The Bastards are back and so is Saint Patrick's Day!  Strap on your tastiest booze bag, grab your green food coloring and get ready to puke a rainbow.  The Bastards read limericks, chat about Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, discuss medieval marital duels, answer internet questions and read fake news stories.  It's a fun, festive, tense, argumentative holiday special.  Drink ya Bastards!!

 

 

The Bastards are back and flinging dripping fingertips of gooey podcast goodness all over your hair and clothes.  The Bastards gag with delight at Ted Cruz's hunger for tasty boogers.  They listen to a call from the hotline which causes them to reflect on movies that scarred them as children.  Twitter is visited and appreciations are stated.  The Bastardpiece Theatre movie of the week is the South Korean film, The Host and last and possibly least is a new advice segment, Bastard Answers.  Enjoy it!  Now!

 

 

Welcome to an episode that Terlet does not remember recording!  The Bastards bring a double dose of movie discussions with two tasty helpings of Bastardpiece Theatre!  Hamtackle has a special Show & Tell and he provides us with a genital clenching  story for our War on Masculinity.  The remainder of the episode is mostly Terlet slurring and endlessly talking over the other Bastards.  Gimme a mouth o' that Classtard!  

 

 

Get a grip on yer jiggly bits, it's Bastard Time!  The Bastards are back and the Broncos have won the Superbowl!  Ramtang shares a special tale that occurred during a recent Bill Burr comedy show.  Terlet pulls the Mail Train into the station with emails and calls from the Hotline.  Hamtackle makes everyone happy with another delightful M.O. update and again, THE BRONCOS WON THE SUPERBOWL!!  

 

 

Slap on your codpiece, it's Bastard time!  The show starts off strong with a brand new movie segment, Bastardpiece Theatre.  The Bastards watched "The Nightmare" on Netflix and used it as fuel for an extended discussion about sleep paralysis.  They then receive a call on the Master Bastard hotline from the gorgeous Cheese Nips and she shares her personal experiences with sleep paralysis.  The show then spins out on childhood nostalgia and general arguing.  We serve only premium classtard on this bitch sandwich!   

 

 

The Bastards are back and feeling frisky!  They dive deep into calls from the hotline and wax-poetic some Broncos sports talk.  Then they wrap up the show cuddling their waifu pillows listening to tales of baby poop under fingernails.  Classy, me old sassafrassy??