Four aging, life-long friends and adversaries fend off the ordinary through the poetry of the profane. From potty humor to funeral home funnies, the Bastards don't just slaughter the sacred cow, they have sex with it first. It takes a real Bastard to laugh at another's suffering. But to laugh at the suffering of your closest friends, it takes something more. A Master Bastard.
Sir Chapsworth delights in the salty taste of Mexican candy. Hamtackle despairs in the stink of dog assholes. Trooper acts as a surrogate for Ramtang. Terlet desperately burbles about comic book spoilers. Frank from the Geeks Amok Podcast is a manly mass of cherubic joy and gentlemanliness. Also, Classtard.
Ramtang has some important and devastating news. Strap yer tits in tight for a doozy of an episode. Rambling conversation and an emotionally touching criss-cross-double-dock of classtard laden comradery.
Ramtang has a new nemesis at his job and Sir Chapsworth has a gaggle of familiars at his. Terlet fills everyone in on all of his landscaping efforts and is judged, rightly. They then dive into a Bastardpiece Theatre movie chat about Peewee's Big Holiday on Netflix. Hamtackle wraps up the show with horrible tales of OSHA accidents which he escalates to ISIS. Classy, gents.
Trooper is back with more tales of being a car crash fatality reconstruction. Much to the delight of Hamtackle, this episode gets a bit gruesome..... Gruesomely delightful!
A State Trooper busts the Bastards for excessive classiness. He then sits down and thrills the them with interesting tales of being a car crash fatality reconstructionist.
Welcome to our first ever talent show for gross internet porn. Admission is free, but seriously. Just turn back now. This is your chance.... Still interested? Well, this episode has such notable quotes as "My cereal bowl just hiccuped", "It's above the navel piercing" and "She's digging down there for the crumbs at the bottom". All right then, take a seat. If you want to sit in the front row there is some plastic ponchos for all the splash-back. Hmmm? Yes, but of course. The Classtard is complimentary.
Â
This week the Bastards bring you well informed bit of political chat, followed by rambling tales of bigfoot horse rape. Terlet reads a boring article about advanced civilizations and Hamtackle caps off the show with the triumphant return of Hamtackle's Horrible Things! Rabies!!
In a very special episode, the Bastards judge a variety of YouTube rappers in their first annual YouTube Rapper Talent Tournament!! These rappers whip it out and stun us with thrills, chills, spills, drills and the skills to possibly pay a variety of bills. Strap in tight and grease up them Hammer pants, it's tournament time!!
The Bastards are back and drinking whiskey out of pickles. A listener talks Chapsworth off with a sexy, homoerotic phone call. Hamtackle enlightens all with tales of self mutilation, there is bunches and bunches of Broncos talk and Ramtang shares a rage filled driving experience with a recorded rant. The episode is wrapped up with lottery tickets, a new MO story and Ace Connard makes another appearance with a new edition of Bastard Answers. Classtard, taste it!
The Bastards are back and so is Saint Patrick's Day! Strap on your tastiest booze bag, grab your green food coloring and get ready to puke a rainbow. The Bastards read limericks, chat about Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, discuss medieval marital duels, answer internet questions and read fake news stories. It's a fun, festive, tense, argumentative holiday special. Drink ya Bastards!!
