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Popular Irony

The Blog to rule all Blogs!!  Rescued from the wreckage of the utterly abandoned PopularIrony.com, wiped down, imported and born anew!  Same old filth, new coat of shit!

Posts in "christianity"
Mars Rover Curiosity Encounters Christian God

The first day of information streaming from Mars by the rover "Curiosity" has delivered an unexpected result in the form of undeniable proof of the existence of a Christian God, NASA said in a press release hours ago. We spoke over the phone with Curiosity team member Gregory Galgana Villar III about the startling news.

"Curiosity appears to have stumbled upon the physical embodiment of God at around 11AM EST this morning. We have not released the video evidence, as there are concerns stemming from the Department of Homeland Security that when this now clearly undeniable proof of God's existence discredits all the worlds other religions there will be massive riots and uprisings from the members of those perspective denominations of faith."

We asked Mr. Villar to describe what he witnessed in the video, and he gave a somewhat vague description that included a bearded male figure "wrapped in the light of omnicient compassion", who imparted proof of his identity and details of his message to all who viewed the video by some supernatural means. Villar was reluctant to go into detail about the message from the creator, but did say that God was very clear that He "certainly hates fags", and revealed the truth to be "somewhere between catholic and protestant doctrine, although the message has been corrupted over the years".

"I don't know how to proceed from here. I mean, pretty much all of us here at NASA were sure He didn't exist, but now we are the first human beings in history to have documentation of a visual encounter with Him. Most of us are planning to use up our vacation time to do some serious spiritual introspection, and I can tell you that I will personally be taking the sabbath MUCH more seriously from here on. And I have a lot of forgiveness to seek in the upcoming days..."

Until now the atheist movement had been gaining global traction, particularly in europe, where as many as 60% of the population are now self-identified atheists. Assertions that religion serves too great a purpose of social cohesion to not have been invented for that purpose by those seeking to mould the poor, illiterate masses to do their bidding, or that any argument that offers proof in favor of a specific religious truth could have minor details altered to argue for a different, mutually-exclusive God, have now all been discredited. We have reached out to Dr. Richard Dawkins, biologist and notable atheist, for his statement regarding the situation, but he has not yet responded.

And in the United States, an overwhealmingly christian nation, there are fears about what impact the news will have on this year's presidential election, given that candidate Mitt Romney's belief in the mormon doctrine took a serious blow this morning, and many still believe Barack Obama to be an antichrist-in-waiting. Hopefully answers to these questions and countless others will be revealed when further details are made available.

Letters To God

Yesterday I was shocked to see that there were several emails in the popularirony@gmail.com address, mostly since everyone that views this website refuses to stroke our ego by participating. But (not surprisingly) they appear to have been mistakenly sent to us, as they are all letters to god sent by a children's Sunday school class. Now normally I would mark them as spam and delete them, but I decided to send some responses instead. So here are a few of the emails with my reply. Enjoy.

Dear God,

My brother is always very mean to me, and I herd that you said we should do to others like they do to us. Does that mean I get to throw roks at him too?

I love you,

Jessica

Dear Jessica,

When I said "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" I did not mean that you should hurt someone back if they hurt you, because that would be wrong. I meant that you should always be nice to others because you would want them to be nice to you, too. But don't worry about your brother, he is just acting out because he wants to have sex with you and this is the only way he knows how to tell you. He prays to me all the time about how he hides in your closet and watches you get naked, then touches your body while you sleep. If you don't want him to throw rocks at you then you should eat a lot and get fat, because then he wouldn't think you are pretty anymore.

Love you back!

God

_____________________________________________

Dear God,

My Mommy says that I should read the hole bible from beginning to end, but I dont understand all the words. Can you help me learn the words so I can read it?

Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,

I find your lack of fluent literary understanding to be atrocious, and you should undoubtedly be mortified that your intellectual development has been elementary at best. I granted you an abundance of mental capacity that you have apparently rendered superfluous due to grievous disuse and neglect, and I am ashamed that you have not dedicated the same enthusiastic determination with your reading pursuits as you have with your ample toy collection.

PS- Your mommy is going to die soon. Sorry in advance!

Impecuniously yours,

God

_____________________________________________

Dear God,

Billy at school says that you aren't real, and I told him I could prove it becuz you would send me emails like you did before. Please tell billy that you are real.

Your frend,

Sarah

[DO NOT REPLY]

The email address you entered does not exist.

There is no God

Please verify the address and try again.

 _____________________________________________

You may think it is cruel to send these responses, but I wish that someone would have explained that religion is bullshit to me before I figured it out myself. Hopefully these responses will at least start a conversation between these impressionable children and their parents, because the sooner they learn that they live in a horrible, godless world the better they will prepare themselves for the disappointment.