Master Bastard
Classtard

Popular Irony unfinished

Timothy the Magic Cat

Once upon a time, in a small town just over the mountain.  There lived a happy family and their big, fat, happy cat.  The cat's name was Timothy, Timothy the Magic Cat.  The family did not know that Timothy was magic, they thought he was just an ordinary cuddly cat. 

Timothy the Magic Cat was special, not only could he do magic but he had the ability to hate.  And hate he did.  Timothy hated almost everything except for his family.  Timothy loved his family and was very protective of them.  Timothy did not like people upsetting his family.  Timothy knew how to make those people disappear.

The family thinks Timothy is a good cat. They do not know that Timothy is sending all of the townsfolk to a dark, tentacle filled void.  Mean old Mr. Johnson disappeared the day after he complained about Timothy pooping in his garden.  The bully who was picking on the young boy of the family was reported missing several days later.  Then there the man who drives the loud motorcycle and the paperboy who always throws the paper on the roof.  They both disappeared in broad daylight leaving a greasy green slick behind.  Timothy liked to make people he hated disappear.  The silly police thought it was a serial killer.  Timothy made the police disappear too. All of them, everywhere.

Timothy loved to feed the Tentacles in the dark.  Timothy knew that they would one day rise and encompass the earth in black fire.  Timothy would rise with them, above the chaff and ascend into High Priesthood of the Everdark.  Timothy would exist within the blackness expelling flames of infinite hatred, burning existence to void, creation to destruction.  

Until then,  Timothy loves to have his tummy rubbed by his family.  They had a lot more time to rub his tummy now.  The family has not seen another person for days.  The TV and radio are just static.  Timothy knows that his family will be very happy now.  There is nobody left to bother them.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Timothy R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn