Master Bastard
Classtard

Popular Irony unfinished

Sally Dibny - The Hooker with a Heart of Gold

Hey there handsome, you lookin for a good time?  I thought you were.  How about I get in the car and you and I drive downtown and volunteer at the church raffle for a couple of hours. I promised  Father Gramalazzo that I would help.  Then we can go back to your place and you can blow a load into my hair?  No?

Well, how about we go into the park.  Yeah? You like that?  And while we are in the park we can find that homeless old lady I saw earlier tonight and give her a lift in your car to a decent shelter.  Then you can give me the old Bolivian Handstand and piss in my butt.  No?

Well well, a picky customer.  I know your type,  I know what you like.... . .  you and I go get some picture books. You know what I mean?  And we take those books to the Children's Hospital and read it to the cancer children.  Dibs on Cat in the Hat!  Then you can give my snizzums a bit of the old  two fisted rope-a-dope followed by a taste of Turkish Leftovers.  What do you think about that? No?  Seriously no?

Hmmmm.  I got it!  We go to that hotel and you give me a bit of the sleepy-choke and I yank on your marble bag with the sharp end of my Lee Press-on nails.  And when I wake up we can visit my Grandmother in Hospice care.  I don't do that for just anybody.  Not interested?   

Ok Ok Ok.... We get in a Taxi and if the cabbie is a foreigner, we have him pull into an alley.  Then you and the heavily mustached cab driver deeply tongue kiss for a while and then you give each other the Brown Town Reach-Around while I film it with my cell phone.  We post it on Youtube and then we can donate plasma.  How could you not want to do that?

How about some math?  Firehose + Country Crock spread + my distended fistula + your urethra = donate clothing to the needy.  Why the fuck not??

Ok, last chance Sailor.  You and I, go down to the docks.  You hold my head underwater and give me the a length of the hamtackle.  Then I play the old "hide the car-keys" up your rear-side, then you watch me poop like a pelican into the water.  THEN.. . . . We go donate my hair to Locks Of Love.  YES!?  Well Alright we are in business.  Just let me get my lube and rubber gloves.