Master Bastard
Classtard

Popular Irony unfinished

Unsuccessfully Defending My Masculinity

Wait just a minute there, tough guy.  Are you calling me a sissy?  I take offense when you implied that I can't pee with the lights on because my wiener is afraid of being seen.  In fact, stand up.  Stand up right now!...

Calm down, guy... Don't get excited, I was just wondering if you were taller than me, and clearly you are...  Ooh... Good one... Made me flinch (awkward laughter).  Go ahead, sit back down.  No?  OK, I guess I will sit down then.  And let me be the first to say, I am downright embarrassed about my behavior here.  I mean, what would my girlfriend think if she saw me now?  Ha Ha!

I do too have a girlfriend.  No, I don't keep any pictures of her in my wallet, and I don't have a cellphone.  Oh, this?  That is my buddy's cellphone.  I am just holding on to it.  He let me borrow it because mine was burned up in a house fire.  Yes, Sir you can see it.  You have to push the green button twice to...

That was completely uncalled for.  You owe me $100 dollars, buddy.  And you had better hope the memory chip isn't broken!  All right, let me see your ID.  I am going to write down your address and you are going to hear from...

You are right, Sir.  I don't know what came over me.  I am just going to keep looking at my shoes... here's my wallet.  Could you please walk away?  I am in a terrible hurry...





FUCK YOU!  (running)