Master Bastard
Classtard

Popular Irony unfinished

Profiles of Disgusting People

Coprophagia
or coprophagy is the consumption of feces, from the Greek κόπρος copros ("feces") and φαγεῖν phagein ("to eat"). Many animal species practice coprophagia as a matter of course; other species do not normally consume feces but may do so under unusual conditions. Coprophagy refers to many kinds of feces eating including eating feces of other species (heterospecifics), other individuals (allocoprophagy), or its own (autocoprophagy), those once deposited or taken directly from the anus.[1]


So here's the plan.  I want to start memorializing people that disgust me, and cite their crimes for all to enjoy.  I have one classic former co-worker story to tell here.

First, for a physical description, we have an average height man of about 50 years old.  He wears round-rimmed glasses, clearly bathes as a matter of occasion, and rarely does so without special circumstances.  His brown hair is straight and is combed over to one side.  He is a heavy build, but not obese.  And there is something disturbing on his lip.  He has a full mustache, but it has grayed just so, so that only the center is dark.  From twenty paces this man has a Hitler mustache.

On one memorable day I was in the restroom at work.  I took the swiftest piss in history to avoid the sounds of the man in one of the stalls, who seemed to be miscarrying Satan's child in there.  As I was washing up, the stall door swung open, and the aforementioned beast approached the sink next to me.  In my periphery I watched him reach toward the sink, no, over the sink to grab a half eaten bag of popcorn.  With no obvious shame he shuffled out of the bathroom, back to his desk to continue being disgusting. 

I am still haunted by imaginings of him licking his fingers, fully aware he is feasting on his own filth, but completely at peace with the fact.  He is some kind of animated moebius, on a sickening re feed of finger foods and feces.


 
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