Master Bastard
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Philosophy: Higher Education's Ten Dollar Whore

Once there was a time when people were either stupid or smart.  A time when a man was measured by his achievements, and the way he spoke and carried himself indicated to others his position on the intellectual scale.  Enter the philosophy major.  I am convinced that philosophy was created by the intellectual elite to allow the short bus kids into the Universities.

First we must all admit that a degree in philosophy is as valuable as a "greatest dad" coffee mug.  If every staggering drunk in every bar I have ever been to is an expert in the field, then I understand why there hasn't been a breakthrough in the field since armies fit neatly inside wooden horses.  Such an accessible school of intellectual pursuit cheapens the value of real knowledge.  Philosophy is all opinion, and no one is ever proven wrong.  Even in the most creative of the physical sciences, theoretical physics, people are proven wrong every now and again.  Despite their fanciful speculation about the inner workings of the universe they still have mathematics as the great equalizer.  There is no such analog in the world of philosophy.
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Don't get me wrong.  I like to be able to sound smart in a social setting without ever actually having to learn anything, and discussion of metaphysics, ethics, and logic can be quite stimulating.  I just avoid these conversations because they are usually started intentionally.  Once you hear some asshole mention Nietzsche (most likely pronounced "NeeChee") it is time to sign off.  I can't stand to watch someone make an ass out of themselves.
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I am certainly not a man of any faith, but I do believe that we will never know the answers to all the questions posed by philosophy, and it is a fools errand to speculate without any way to gather experimental evidence.  And since all the philosophers are still trying to prove that they exist (to what end?) I will continue drinking all the whiskey and making sarcastic comments from the sidelines.