Master Bastard
Classtard

Popular Irony unfinished

EGGS! DELICIOUS EGGS!

Hey everybody! It's your old pal OOPHAGOUS ED!

EGGS! Delicious EGGS! God Damn how I love me some EGGS! I roll out of bed in the morning with a skip in my step and I go down to the kitchen for a breakfast of EGGS! FUCK I LOVE EGGS!!


You can poach them! Fuck how I love to eat POACHED EGGS! They are all runny and that golden gooey yolk slowly spreads over the plate. FUCK I LOVE EGGS!


Aw man, have you ever had SHIRRED EGGS!!?? The EGGS are placed in little dishes and you slop a dollup of butter on top. You bake those tasty little fuckers until the white is set, but the yolk is still soft and runny. I know right? Butter on EGGS!!?? FUCK YES!! The French know how to make some MOTHER FUCKING EGGS!!


Fuck me! I just remembered! It is so simple and yet so good. SCRAMBLED EGGS! Sweet tasty Jesus I know you have had SCRAMBLED EGGS! You whip those little fuckers into a frenzy, maybe throw in some half and half or a pinch of cream of tartar. Cream of tartar will put a meaty fucking head on those EGGS!! Stir them up in the pan and SLAM BAM MOTHERFUCKING SCRAMbled EGGS!!


You do know that instead of scrambling those EGGS you could make an OMELETTE instead? Did you know that shit? Because you fucking can. You can fold any fucking thing you want into that velvety blanket of warm, all encompassing EGGS!! ONIONS, PEPPERS, HAM, CHEESE, DOG SHIT it doesn't matter when its gang fucked by EGGS!!


sometimes when i am alone late at night. i will sneak downstairs, pull out a frying pan, pull down my underwear and FRY ME SOME EGGS!! OH FUCKING FRIED EGGS!! They are so goo oo oo oo oo oo oo ood! Sunny side up? Over easy? I don't fucking care!! EGGS!!


Don't even get me started on HARD BOILED EGGS!! I can't.... CAN'T TALK ABOUT THEM.... AAAAAHHH FUCK!!! NOO!! SHUTUP!!! I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THOSE STEAMY BOILED IN THE SHELL POCKETS OF PLEASURE NOOOOO!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! FUUUUCK!!!


MMMMMMM AAAAAAHHH!!!!! THAT IS ALL THE EGG TALK I CAN TAKE!!! I.... I ....... Need to take a shower.....

-Oophagus Ed