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Popular Irony

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Men With Giant Cocks Unite

I am a member of an oppressed minority. But you can't tell when you see me on the bus. It has nothing to do with my sexual orientation, and likewise nothing to do with my religion. I have a giant cock.

I know what you are probably thinking. "There are people that face serious issues with racism, homophobia, and cultural intolerance. How dare you belittle their plight!" But you clearly must not also have a huge penis, because you just don't understand. Countless times I have gone to a job interview only to be denied because I am "under-qualified", or because "I failed a background check". But I know what happened. My prospective employer caught an eyeful of my massive, swaying member through the thin fabric of my trousers and I never had a chance.

And put yourself in my jockstrap for a moment. Have you ever had to get your trousers tailored to make room for your junk? It's not cheap, my friend. I could easily end up spending triple the value for a pair of bluejeans just to I can walk properly. And imagine this scene: you head out for a fun day taking in the sun at the beach in your new custom speedo, and before you know it some mother is calling the police because your natural body is somehow "indecent".

But the ladies must love it, right? Wrong again. The majority of the women I date get scared right out of my bedroom at the first sight of it. And the few that are still up for the act are no longer in the mood after the twenty or so minutes it takes for my member to become fully erect. Yes sir, having this giant cock is truly a burden, and society needs to recognize the special needs of the bountifully-endowed.

So I suggest we confront this issue as a society, head-on. The rights of men with large penises should be protected, and adjustments should be made in bathrooms, movie theaters, airline seats, and public transportation. And the clothing industry should be required to make off-the-rack selections available for this oppressed minority. It is only fair.

And maybe one day the tides will change, and men with giant cocks will be looked at with integrity by the public. We now have a black president. Maybe one day we will have a president with a massive penis, too.