Sweat Laddie here, ready to spread cheer!  Line up folks and grab yer rags, it's almost sweatin' time!  Everyone from Tuscucola all the way down to North Wallahasee knows that my sweats is the cure to almost all yer ills. 

All ya' need is a good soppin' rag, you know the type, twelve dollars in quarters and a bit o' patience.  I promise ya' won't be disappointed.   It's cures all yer household ailments; Gamey Toe, Crispy Lobe, Drippy Tip, Sluice Bottom, Soppin' Chums, Fever Anus, Rape Dreams and it even fixes Farmer's Handshake.

Once yer rag has reached saturation, all ya need do is place it in yer mouth and suckle.  You know how to suckle, don't ya?  Put yer gums together and *schluck*.  My body drainin's fillin' yer mouth will fill you with the healin' power of Jesus!  Now you know it's true.  Jesus don't lie.

Now start soppin' me.  I'ma more sweaty n' usual.