So I was just hanging out with some of my friends, you know, just shootin' the shit.  I was enjoying a cup of hot coffee and skeeter was trying out his new hackey sack, and the BAM!  Skeeter accidentally kicks my hand sending a scalding drop of coffee RIGHT INTO MY FUCKING EYE!  Holy shit it burns!  Dear God save me from this agony and let death's arms embrace me!  I DON'T DESERVE THIS PAIN! -

Travis Whitten, Venice Beach, CA

I love to make models of famous monuments and buildings.  It is so relaxing, and I can sit for hours in total focus just enjoying the detail of my work.  I was making a scale replica of the Eiffel tower out of paperclips that was going to complete my set of Europe's best architectural achievements, and I was just using some wire clippers when HOLY FUCKING SHIT!  A piece of paperclip IN MY GODDAMN PUPIL!  Oh cruel fates, why have you condemned me to this horror! Bring me a gun so I CAN END THIS PAIN! -

Sal Gordon, Pittsburgh, PA

I always make time to hike in the mountains and smell the wildflowers.  The best way to enjoy their beauty is to lean down low and take a deep smell with your eyes closed.  It really helps to build a strong memory of your hike.  Once I was hiking through a pine forest when I came across a beautiful patch of wild roses.  I stooped down for a whiff when my hayfever kicked in and I let out a powerful sneeze.  SWEET JESUS!  WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY IRIS?  What in the name of all that's holy did I ever do to DESERVE THIS! -

Sarah Peoples, Lyons, CO

I have always taken personal grooming very seriously, and I greatly enjoy the simple pleasure of a close shave.  My wife has known this for years, and this year for my birthday she got me a beautiful straight razor set in a fine mother of pearl handle.  I was still getting used to the delicate process of scraping whiskers off my cheek when my wife abruptly opened the bathroom door and bumped my elbow... AAAAGGHHH!!!  What have I done!  MY GOD LOOK AT THE BLOOD!  I am a permanently disfigured FREAK!  Don't touch me!  DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME! -

Larry French, Cleveland, OH