Master Bastard
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Vienna Sausages - A Study

One of my favorite guilty pleasures are those delectable little treats known as Vienna Sausages.  I fucking love those stout little cans stuffed with stout little sausages.  I remember my first Vienna Sausage.  I must have been 4 years old.  There was a power outage that lasted a couple of days.  During that time, my dad introduced me to those delicious room temperature canned meatlets.  I've been devouring them ever since.

My wife fucking hates them.  I am forced to sneak them into the shopping cart and hide them under other groceries.   Sometimes you get these teeny tiny sandy bits that can only be ground up entrails.  But they taste so fucking good.  The pop of that little tin can is so satisfying.  Inhaling the scent of the freshly opened Vienna can..... like baby's breath.  A baby that has been eating Alpo.  Vienna Sausages look and smell like dog food.

Who could describe Vienna Sausages better than Wikipedia?

"North American vienna sausages are mainly made from pork, but also meat such as beef, turkey and chicken, (or blends thereof) finely ground to a paste consistency and mixed with salt and spices, notably mustard, then stuffed into a long casing, sometimes smoked and always thoroughly cooked, after which the casings are removed. The sausages are then cut into short segments for canning and further cooking. They are also available packed in chili or barbecue sauces."

Fuck yeah.  A finely ground paste?  Fucking sign me up.  Below is a slideshow of a can that I ate moments ago.  Observe the double sausage technique, only advanced Sausagnauts should attempt it. You are gonna wanna save that broth.  I'm telling ya, a little vodka and sausage broth in a martini glass accented by a Vienna Sausage on a toothpick.  Classy and delicious.  The Vienna Sausagtini will get you laid.   





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