Master Bastard
Classtard

PI IN PROGRESS

Crystal Poony - Professional Actress

Crystal Poony - Professional Actress

This is such bullshit!  I watched the Cadmy Awards last night and they didn't not even talk about me. Bullshit!  Rico said that if when I started making my movies that I would get Cadmy Awards and Oskirts and a whole bunch of other tight shit.

It was so fucked up!  I actressed in like, over 75 different movies last year.  I thought I would have won something for at least half of those.  I act so fucking good.  In "Cum Bum Anal Invasion", I had to pretend to not like anal, I was all like "Ow, no Mr... please, not in my poo button"  And I had to pretend to cry and junk.  That is not easy you know.  I had to use like, memories to act good and stuff.

I thought I was winning awards right at the beginning of the Cadmys.  They were all like "Presenting Crystal" and I was like OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!  But instead of me walking out on the TV to get my statue it was a gross old man.  Rico said he was like, Billy Crystal and not me Crystal.  Rico is such a prick!

They had a Best Actress catergory and I was so for sure positive that I was gonna win.  I thought everybody saw me when I acted like a cave woman in "Cum Caveman Cum Cum Cum"  Its not easy to say my lines with my mouth full of all that cum.  I'd like to see Billy Crystal try it!  I bet he would have to swallow and say his lines like an amateur.  But you know what?  My name was not even mentioned once!  What the fuck?!

Old Mr Marquino says that I'm the Meryl Streep of fisting.  Rico saids that Meryl Streep has wond Oskirts statues and other shit and she is sooooo not hot.  It doesn't make any sense!  Those Hollywood people don't know shit about what good actressing is.  I bet Meryl Streep has never taken 30 blindfolded creampies like I did in "Make Me Pregnant Vol 17".

Rico said that maybe I don't like, stand out enough!  I was like "Fuck you Rico!"  and he like calmed me down by giving me this sweet Tasmanian Devil tattoo on my tit.  His cartoon boner is my nipple.  If that doesn't make that Cadmys give me statues, I don't know what will. 

I am for sure to win next year.  Tomorrow we start filming a historical, like, drama movie.  I play a lady Abraham Lincoln.  I get to act all like, presidential and junk. I'll wear a big beard with that big hat, it is gonna be the shit!  The movie ends with me banging a huge black John Wilkes Booth in a theater and he sassisnates  me in the face with his big black cock blast.  Everybody is going to cry so hard when I fake like I died and stuff.  Fuck yeah!

Next year I better see myself getting statues on the TV or I am gonna sue somebody.  I'm fucking serious!  I am so serious, Rico!  I am so!   I'll sue you!  Fucking Rico!