Hello Readers. Hamtackle is completing the very last leg of his journey abroad and Terlet just simply cannot be bothered this evening.  Therefore, I, the Lady Terlet, have been charged with informing and educating the Popular Irony readers.  As a student of the world, I have obtained a slight level of expertise in several topics.  Here are three little known, yet possibly helpful factoids to consider in your everyday life. 

• If the oil in your car is not very dark or dirty when you go in for a change, most lube businesses will re-use that oil in the next car.  Therefore, it is often the case that a driver will leave with dirtier oil than that with which he came.  

• The most common places to have a murder fantasy are:

              3.  A high school

              2.  In traffic

              1.   In a Walmart Supercenter 

• People who habitually tip less than 18% of their bill at dinner annually consume 87% more semen and saliva than the average hardcore porn star.

Now, you have been educated.  Use this information wisely in your daily routine.  I thank you for your patronage.

Pyongyang (AP) - A pairing of historic proportions has taken place in The Democratic People's Republic Of Korea, more commonly known as North Korea, as dear leader Kim Jong-un has wed an until now unknown partner named Ri Sol-ju in a ceremony described by state broadcasters as "completely legitimate and in no way constructed for political appearances". Critics claim this is an effort to transform the littlest Kim's image as an untested and rather pudgy child-king into a virile and masculine ruler teeming with sexual energy, but all indications from the notoriously tight-lipped regime appear to show a country in full celebration of this wonderous union.

Kim Jong-un and his bride in smiling approval of the opening of the first ever amusement park

The state has issued an order to "display emotions of cheer and excitement" to residents nationwide for the next week and have taken unprecedented actions to ensure the proper enjoyment of the impromptu holiday for the newlywed leader, such as establishing the nation's first "amusement park", consisting of a three acre zone of abandoned farmland in which any visitor is mandated to smile enthusiastically or face "the extinction of the perpetrator's familial bloodline".

Even those condemned by the regime have been invited to take part in the nation's pride, as state re-education camps have arranged to reduce the routine 18 hour daily torture sessions down to a paltry 16 hours for the remainder of the week. When asked to comment on the joyous occasion one detainee was quoted as saying "Please send help. My last meal was four days ago and consisted solely of the marrow cracked from my own amputated limb".

And in an attempt to display their grandeur to the world, North Korea has planned an event they are calling "A night of 10,467 lights", where they will break with current restrictions by supplying electrical power to the entire country for a full 24 hour period beginning tomorrow morning, leading countless residents to prepare in excited anticipation for such luxurious activities as reading pre-screened state-sanctioned propaganda literature, and navigating their way to the communal latrines after hours without using the guide ropes.

Indeed, spirits are running high in this land of stoic cynicism, and the international community looks on in patronizing approval of the country's meager efforts to appear powerful and relevant in the face of crippling cultural and economic shortfalls. Perhaps this is a sign of progress for North Korea in the years to come under the Dear Leader and his new bride, but many express their doubts that they will end their free-fall descent in terms of cultural, scientific, economic, and technological insignificance.

At Chick-N-Chunks we serve a higher purpose than just serving delicious fast food.  We are vigilant and pious modern day crusaders.  We help spread God's word one tasty bite at a time.  Our Christian values and ethics have birthed a highly successful and universally loved fast food chain.  We are closed on Sundays so our employees can worship any of the correct religions they want, without the worry of toil.   

We don't discriminate, everyone is welcome at Chick-N-Chunks.  Why not try one of our delicious specials.

The Christian Crusader - This is our classic chicken sandwich.  The sandwich that put Chick-N-Chunks on the map.  Try it with Prophet Sauce for a baptism of flavor.

The Marriage is Between a Man and a Woman Sandwich - Our tasty breaded chicken breast topped with swiss and a generous length of ham.  Ask for the Civil Union for just ham.

The God Hates Fags Sandwich - We put a spicy spin on our classic Christian Crusader.  It is topped with devilish blend of peppers, spices, mayonnaise and ranch..  This hot little number will make your mouth burn in eternal hellfire. 

So stop on by Chick-N-Chunks for a holy helping of Christian values and a belly full of delicious chicken!

Good evening, let me introduce myself, I am .... whoa whoa whoa!  ... don't panic.  Yes, yes... calm down now, no need to scream.  What's that?.....  Well, yes.  You have been abducted and I am an alien so "Abducted by Aliens" is an apt statement.  There is no need to be upset.  I am one of those FUN aliens. 

You know, fun aliens.  I'm a handful of ET with a skoshe of Mac & Me topped off with a whole lot of Starman.  Do you know which part of Starman?  Remember in that movie when Jeff Bridges stuffed Karen Allen full of his hot alien genitals?  .... Yes!  That's right!  I'm going to fuck you.

Oh come on now.... That's just insulting.  It won't be that bad, I promise.  I will wipe your memory afterwards and everything.  This always surprises you but, this is not the first time we have done this.  I've been banging you since the 9th grade.  According to my planet's customs, you are my Booty Bitch.  Really now, there is no need to get upset.  This is happening whether you want it or not. 

Now why don't you come lay down on these fine satin sheets.  I know you like satin.  I've already taken the liberty of disrobing you and sterilizing your epidermis.  You are a filthy piggy you know that?  But that is why I like you.  You are my little piggy.  My wittle earthy piggy wiggums.

Well, that is enough foreplay, let's get to the fucking.  Now you may experience a great amount of displeasure.  We share a few anatomical incompatibilities.  You only have one outie and one innie down there.  That just does not work for me.  As you can see when I lift up my robe, I have... Again with the screaming?.... Yes, those are tentacles and teeth, nothing you haven't' had inside you before.

Now don't worry, whatever holes I make I can easily fix.  Our reconstructive surgery methods are centuries beyond yours.  You won't even be able to tell the difference.  You have not scarred yet, have you? 

Let's get this shit going before your wife and kids wake up.  I'm gonna start vomiting lubricant on your loins and you.... well, you just bite that pillow.  Did I mention that I love you?

I have had a long day so I have decided to share some vacation photos!  Oh Boy!  Everybody loves looking at another person's vacation photos.  I know... I'm lazy.

 I was in an art museum in San Francisco last year and this caught my eye.  It's a four-barrel shotgun.  Pretty bad-ass, eh? 

Aw Yeah

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

Bitch better have my money!

Hey there!  I went to an Animal Sanctuary and took a picture of some African Lion's junk and captured a video of two tigers peeing at the same time!  I'd say the day was an utter success!!

Sleepy Lion Testicles

You're Welcome!! -

My friend! My friend! I see you speak with Gurgel about his leather bags, now let me see you very much better quality. My name Pierno. I take very much care of you. Look... You see supple leather? Touch with hands and feel it like fine skin of newborn baby, eh? He say best bags in all of Florence, yes? But Gurgel is untrustworthy pedophile. Come to me, fine sir.

I show you much high quality bags for excellent price, yes? Just 200 euro for this bag. Wait! I say very much apologize, good sir. For man as strong and virile as you price is much lower. I mistake and give you price for tourist. This bag just 140 euro. You take and bag make you much better for having woman, guaranteed.

But sir, why do you not trust Pierno? I swear on the virginity of my daughter this is best bag for lowest price. I smell your excitment for fine product. I offer you bag at incredible price, just 100 euro.

No? My friend, you show you are very smart. You see right away that my daughter is just common whore. We speak like men now. Bag is for you just 40 euro. Is lowest possible price. Under 40 euro I must beat my wife for internet videos to make money for food. You do not want wife beaten for fetish videos, yes? You want Pierno only beat wife for dirty household, yes?

Sir! Sir! Do not go to Gurgel. I make you special offer, never before offer. We go to alleyway and Pierno give slow rub, then fast rub for making fire in loins. Then you pay 30 euro for bag. Very good, sir. You know fine quality when wanting leather bags. Give Pierno few moments to wash hands in gutter before alleyway fire-making.

Well I have escaped the urban nightmare that is Rome and left the heat and humidity with it. Now after another day of last-minute train travel and stress I have reached the tuscan villa just outside of the city of Ponsacco, but is it everything I was hoping it would be? Unfortunately, not really.

Here we see the ouside entertaining area. Sure the view is magnificent, and there are hardly any other homes in sight, and the only dirt road leading to it is behind three gates, but just look at the state of it! They tell us the canopy is hand painted and imported from Morocco... I mean, what the fuck were they thinking? Here I am expecting a relaxing break from the tuscan sun and you are telling me that I have to drink wine and eat fresh locally-grown tomatoes with homemade mozarella under a fucking MOROCCAN canopy? False advertising, to say the least.

And here is the living room leading into my bedroom. Would you believe that the upstairs is the ONLY part of the villa with air conditioning? Of course the weather is superb and the sound of the birds and gentle breeze rolling over the olive trees and vineyards is extremely pleasant, and I would certainly prefer the open double doors and shudders to the boxed-in feeling upstairs, but when I ask for luxury that means AIR CONDITIONING! Fucking europeans don't know comfort.

And here we have the state-of-the-art kitchen, complete with stainless steel appliances, marble table, three refigerators, and restaurant-quality meat slicer. What, are they expecting me to slave away in the kitchen all day? I guess they did stock the fridges with pre-prepared pastas and sauces, fresh produce, local wine and beer, and a delicious selection of cheese and dairy, but I don't like being under all this pressure to cook over the weekend until the staff returns Monday afternoon and the master chef gets back to preparing our meals. Our hosts are treating us like fucking savages.

And here we have the pool. Have you ever seen anything so depressing in your life? It's not even heated!! The few times I swam it may have been a perfectly refreshing temperature, and makes a sublime retreat from the warm surroundings, but it is only 8 feet deep! I am 6'4 and that means if I go diving off the board I might scrape my face on the bottom. Unacceptable.

And how's this for a slap in the face? The property sits opposite a 16th century Medici family castle that is just bearing down on us! So now every time I look out my window I have to be reminded of exactly how much better the whole experience could be. When I am trying to enjoy my meager taste of the high life I don't want some castle-dwelling assholes looking down on me! I mean, I came here to escape the everyday shithole I live in, not to find out I upgraded to a slightly less shitty hole.

And can you imagine my disappointment when I found this awesome bookcase stocked with reading material for my week long getaway and I discovered that all the books are in fucking italian?!? What, do the think anyone but americans are going to be renting this property? The fact that they made no additional adjustments to cater to their clientele just makes me sick. Guess I'll just have to read one of the dozens of books loaded in my ipad! Bullshit.

I was also thrilled to see that there were a set of billiard balls at my disposal! So I ran all over the place looking for a pool table and guess what... The fuckers forgot to put one in the villa! God damn it, people, how big of an asshole do you have to be to get my hopes up for a game of pool and then pull the rug out from under me by forgetting the table? Sick bastards.

So I guess the next week won't be all I had hoped it would. All the 5 star meals and lovely weather is only going to piss me off more, and don't even get me STARTED about the church bells that ring through the valley on a regular basis! Oh well, I will have to try to make the best of it. Until next time I'll just say "champagne disappointments and caviar nightmares!"

Roman skyline

I have arrived. It took one 3.5hr flight to Philadelphia then an 8.5hr flight to Rome, and now I am in Hotel Miami on Via Nazionale in Roma (that's right, nazi street). Being a 6'5 obese american, I am entirely unable to sleep on a plane, so I arrived at 8:15am Rome time quite tired. Luckily I had an anonymous aged italian grandmother/formula 1 race car driver to bring me to the hotel.

After making the 48 point turn to get out of the parking space she was wedged into, she flew headfirst into traffic and quickly proved herself to be the most aggressive driver on the road, and that is saying something in a country like Italy, where traffic laws are considered mere suggestions. She took a yard and gave not even an inch, and made steady eye contact with every other driver on the road while simultaneously honking the horn and gesturing some as-of-yet untranslated but transparently demeaning insult.

Just about the only thing that can get an experienced italian driver to slow down (but not stop) is a local pedestrian. You can tell the locals because they play a high-stakes game of chicken with the drivers that involves them blindly walking into the street without looking up, just daring the drivers to run them down. Tourists always look up. Amateurs.

But the true daredevils are the moped drivers, almost always clad in armani suits and weaving through traffic from the friendly right lane to the no man's land, tempting oncoming traffic. Their smaller size means they can move at full speed when all others are at a standstill, and take full advantage of their insanity. The drive took thirty minutes and I am shocked that I didn't see at least four well-dressed corpses in that time.

Since arriving I have enjoyed a nap, shower, meal of delicious street pizza (one shovel-o-mushroom, and one tomato with prosciutto), and walked down to the Trevi Fountain in search of the perfect absinthe shop. No such luck on the absinthe yet, but I did manage to sweat through a shit and pair of shorts. It is about 90 degrees with 75% humidity.

I will try to give another update in the next few days once I make it to the villa, where I anticipate my mentality will change from common tourist to relaxed aristocrat. I can't wait.

Greetings loyal readers!  It's your old pal, Terlet.  For the next couple of weeks you are going to be seeing a lot more of me.  My dear friend and website co-founder, Hamtackle, is away from the office on a luxurious Italian vacation.  

We at Popular Irony have made a habit of making daily posts on our illustrious website.  It has been over a year and we have not missed a day yet.  Hamtackle may be able to make a post or two while on vacation, but the bulk of the responsibility will fall to me.  Lazy ass Terlet.

I am trying to convince two one-time contributors to Popular Irony to join in as well.  So, there is a chance of seeing the return of The Lady Terlet and Sir Chapsworth.  They both thought that their first and only posts on Popular Irony were crap.  I entirely disagree.  They both had funny, well written, entertaining stories that fit in well with the filth and depravity displayed daily here.  But, of course, as many do, they judge themselves too harshly.  Don't they know that nobody reads this shit anyway?

It will probably just be me creating your daily dose of bullshit until Hamtackle returns.  I just want to apologize in advance if I "Phone In" some days.  If I post a song by the Scum City Avengers, you'll know I was feeling exceptionally lazy.  If I post a Youtube video that doesn't make sense and has no punchline, you'll know that my creative well was dry that day.  If it's just a stream of curse words and gibberish accompanied by pictures of dogs pooping, you'll know my wife is screaming that she feels like a "Blog Widow" and I should quickly get off the computer.

I'm going to try my best to pick up Hamtackle's slack.  I am planning on revisiting some old characters.  Maybe Your Best Friend Jen or Dick Scustin.  Maybe Glenda Bekk or A Lady's Fancy will make an appearance.  One thing that I know I am going to attempt is another chapter of "Federation Starship USS Hindenburg".  I wrote 3 episodes in my first 3 weeks on Popular Irony.  They are the posts that I am proudest of.  I became intimidated by positive feedback and stopped writing it.  Strange, I know.  We'll see if I can get that one back on the regular.

This isn't a very "Popular Irony" post.  My apologies. Let's see........ Shit Fuck!  Motherfuckers!  Tits squirting shit!  Shit Squirting Tits!  Ball Hammer Buttfucker cunt cock lazy fuck!  A magical puppy wearing a three piece suit rapes a parking attendant.  A dildo that comes to life like Pinocchio.  Trying to shit a whole chicken egg.  Finger banging the willing elderly.  Everything tastes like soup.  Below are pictures of dogs pooping.  See you tomorrow... then the day after that....... then after that...... etc.  I have a full time job and shit to do, ya know.